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My brain tumor memory

It was 6 years ago in August that my grandma called me, and asked if I wanted to take the kids to Illinois with her, to visit her mom, and all our family out there. Of course I wanted to go! We left in September 2004. Cade was still a baby and Teagan was 5. My dad and Austin were there too. When we got there, it was fun, and everything was normal. But the entire trip my grandma was complaining of headaches, but would just pop Migraine meds. My dad had to leave and come for for a family emergency, so I stayed back with my grandma to enjoy the family. Looking back I thought it was really weird that while my grandma was driving she would forget where we were going. Example we went to Ihop, before we flew home, and she couldn't figure how to get out of the parking lot, when I was telling her to go left or right. She was very unsure. She kept questioning me, and wondering if we were going the right way. She also was very excited to go in the pool with the grand babies, so we went to Walmart to find a swim suit, since we didn't bring 1. Well we had so much fun shopping, and when we returned (and she had to ask me over again how to get back to the hotel) she just couldn't get up off the bed to go to the pool. She kept baby Cade and I took Teagan swimming.

Forward to October, less then a month from our trip my sweet, outgoing, kind, golf-loving, traveler, best friend, grandma, great grandma, aunt, sister, mom, daughter, my hero, was airlifted from St. George to Salt Lake city, where she had a cat scan, mri, and they found a tennis ball shape in her brain. She had brain surgery, and was diagnosed with Stage 4 Glioblastoma multiforme, the most common type of brain tumor, and most deadly. My grandma was given 18 mo to live.

This shocked our ENTIRE family, and really made me sad. My grandma and I had the best relationship, I called her daily, before the discovery, she was my maid of honor at my wedding, she was my best friend. She never judged anyone, and always saw good in a person. During my grandma's stay in Utah, with my Aunt Sherri, I tried to visit as often as I could which equalled out to be almost every other weekend. I wanted to take care of her. I would fly out with Cade, and try my best to help my aunt, but my aunt was amazing at taking care of her mom. My grandma would call me EVERDAY after her radiation, and tell me where they were going to eat for lunch, and when I was coming out again. When I was in Utah, I would bring her favorite ice cream to her, peppermint from Leatherby's, I brought her all kinda of goodies. I watched as my grandma would become so sick, she was moved to a hospice, and we were all there trying to prepare ourselves for what was next. My fondest memory of this whole time was when we were all around her bed, and they were giving my grandma a blessing, telling her it was okay to go..Well my grandma looked right at me, and just grabbed my hand and squeezed it. After that my grandma got well enough again to go back to my aunts house.

We all planned Christmas in Vegas that year. Her favorite vacation spot, besides Myrtle Beach, and Hawaii. I would wheel her around in the wheel chair, and she wanted to just play her slots! Looking back I wish I would've just stayed with her at those slots like she wanted too, and let her just play, because I wonder what was going on her her mind? Right before this trip she had declined again, and we weren't sure if we should go, but we did. She had a lot of fun, and tired easily. She invited me to her room for breakfast one morning, and we just sat there eating breakfast together, and she just kept telling me she was going to get better, she would never admit to me she was going to loose the cancer battle. She was determined to beat this tumor.

My grandma, held on past Teagan's 6th birthday, and gave her a beautiful horse that I haven't ever let Teagan touch of have yet, because this was the last gift she would ever get from her great grandma. Still to this day she isn't allowed to touch it. My grandma held on past my dad's birthday, and she would still call me everyday no matter what. One night I was sitting next to her in her hospital bed, and she said to me, Let's Call Alycia...At that point my aunt and I were like Alycia is right next to you, and we figure she couldn't really see out of the left side, since that's the side of her face that was mainly paralyzed. My grandma was moved to a hospice in St. George the end of January, and she was showing signs of improvement again. She called me on Feb. 7th that night. She was telling me how she has such a beautiful family, and how beautiful it was in St. George and when would I come visit her. She told me how she wanted to get back into selling homes soon, and was planning her 64th birthday in May. My grandma told me how much she loved me, and told me she would talk to me tomorrow..

The next day my grandma went into a coma, and died on Feb. 10th 2005. I knew she wouldn't live the 18months, she survived 4 months after her brain surgery. This is why I like to do the Brain Tumor walk/run. Because if the roles were reversed, I know she would be doing the same thing for anyone of her friends or family. And May 10 2010 she would be 69 years old.

One more thing I forgot to say is my grandma would want me to shave her legs, and I was like okay grandma, but in my head I was thinking why me..? You know if there were any moments I could take back, would be that one because I would shave her dang legs everyday if it meant it made her happy, and feel good at the time. I would shave her legs everyday just to have her back here. I question all the time why her, and why did our family have to go through such a hard loss, when there are so many other people out there that have done worse.
She is who I look up to still, and even though I know she is at peace, I still want to keep her alive for my kids, for me, and for all my family.

Updates

Sorry so long! But I have been busy with the kiddos. I took them to Utah for Spring Break. We visited my aunt and her family. The kids had a lot of fun. THe drive was great on the way there, but coming home I ran into some weather in Vail, and my car didn't like it...(forward to last week, found out the tires on my NEW car are bad, that is 1 reason why I think the car did so bad! tomorrow it gets new tires, and door panel, and switch for the seat heater..yes i must have bought the only lemon out there) We are LOVING the new house. The kids enjoy having all the new room. You can mainly find them either watching TV, jumping on the trampoline, or running through the house in cirlces. Not much has changed here. I am going to Tucson Saturday (17th) to Monday (19), for my sister's baby-shower. With NO kids..Don't be too jealous because Conley remembers all this and he is already planning his next 2 trips. He is so busy with work, and we hardly ever see him. But he works hard, and I'm greatful for that. I still do some work for him, and volunteer a lot at Cade's school. I think there is like 26 days left..Yikes Summer is already coming..
Up next for us...Roxy's 1 this month!
Cade Kindergarten graduation May 13th 530-730
Austin's HS graduation May 29th
Steven visiting for that also with grandparents too
Amy's baby due June 6th (peobably be born a lot sooner though since she is already a 2 and only 32 weeks..She is on bed rest:( But she is doing great.
Taking kids to Disneyland in June sometime
Tucson in June, then El Paso July 2 for Brian wedding (cade ring boy)

Little Man sick again

Little man is really sick again. poor guy was crying over his ears again last night, and finally at 4am I said I need to take him in. I took him to the Childrens hospital Urgent care again, and he puked all over the bathroom there. We were the only 1's, so they were waiting on us to be done in the bathroom. Cade was screaming that his ears hurt so bad to the dr, and they gave him some numbing drops in his ears, and also motrin for his pain. He was still complaining, for about 30 min, so we had to wait and wait, until he finally fell asleep and I asked to leave. He seems to be getting worse, and not better. I'll update soon.

Snow Days, Spring Break

For Teagan Spring Break is here. She has No school tomorrow, and all next week. Cade has school tomorrow, and spring break also. cade wants to go to Idaho, Teagan wants to have sleepovers with all her friends. I want to just make the kids happy, and dont want them to argue..After Cade was sick, they had a snow day Wednesday..Yes it was crazy a ton of snow at least 8-10 inches, and today its all gone, except the north side of our house. The kids and I are enjoying the new house, and extra room. Not alot to update on, just the same stuff..

cade sick again

little man was sick all weekend. had croup cough, then fever, and puking. i still sent him to school today because he seemed fine. at 230 they called with is 101 fever. i picked him up and he had a little mask on..awe:) he has a bad cough, but is doing okay. i called the dr and they said to just make sure he has plenty of liquids. he takes his medicine now, the chewable tablets. he is a good boy:) and he is doing a spelling bee at school, and he is still in it...smart kid can spell all the words on the list, i think there is 30 something...

Gandparents

just wishing my kids had a constant grandparent in their life. wish i had the support of my family more to help me with my kids. wish i had parents that would want to come over and help me babysit, or even drive a few hours to visit their grandkids. I just feel like we are getting the shaft here. I have so many wonderful memories of my grandparents, and I just hope my kids can have that sometime, sooner rather then later. life is too short to let the small things pass you by, and kids growing up passes so fast. put your diffrences aside, and pick up the phone and call your grandkids, your nieces and nephews. they need you and they love you.